The headlines you really don't care about....

Tic tic tic... this just in from New Zealand: Keith Richards has been released, reports of brain damage are being denied

STOP THE PRESSES

Denied? Or, oh, excuse me, did you mean new brain damage as a result of his fall from the coconut tree? And, can you really tell if it is new or just residual from everything else this man has done?

Tic tic tic... Word on the wires is Britney has confirmed she is preggers again. Still waiting for confirmation that it is with K-Feds child. Thank goodness, cause otherwise all those tabloid photos would have just meant she was eating more HoHos than she could work off.

Tic tic tic... Nicole still loves Tom. I think I vomited a little. Is she getting alimony? She does know that MI:III is not looking too hot at the ol' Box Office? Eh, Katie, here's your chance--take the podling and RUN!

Tic tic tic... And finally, in the super human genome project that is Bradgelina, there are no puffs of white smoke from atop the hospital in Namibia yet... but photographers are positioning for a photo. If these paparazzi people had any sense, they would go online and get that degree they've always dreamed of and pose as a doctor, nurse or mechanical engineer for the best view of the Pittling to come.

Of course, a brief comment on the last headline you don't care about... I've seen Angelina's dad, and the photo of her mother--eh, iffy... not sure what kinda stock Brad is coming from, but this could get ugly. I'm just sayin...