Breathlessness.

Something I haven't done in a while... but...


Breathlessness.

Surrendering the post.
Too late to take it back;
too long coming.
A note of few words;
there were only ever few words.
Too little said, too much misinterpreted.
Friendship halted;
contemptuous decision,
mine to own.
Respected;
his right toward silence, but no
he smiled, he said hello.
I fought back tears;
the metallic starry taste.
We had talked about fatalism;
but I wondered what lie ahead.
Uncertainty clouded with conviction;
crushed and defeated and wondering,
why I wasn’t stronger?
I failed; failed me, failed him,
I failed our friendship.
I sat at that table, his table, and wrote it then…
knew with him in the shower;
knew in a hangover haze.
I let it sit,
a month,
two months?
He knew too, perhaps, maybe?

Loving him set me free;
exposed pieces long ago hidden
raw turned tempered
fear into nothingness
memories fresh and long ago
sunshine, Oberon and cigarettes
there were no summers before we met
and now, breathless, spinning
sunbeams cover my skin
sparkling bronze.
The darkness faded,
shadows remain masked
for yet another time.