Expiration Dating and Ambivalence

There is a creeping feeling I cannot shake. Sometimes it is hard to determine if the feeling is my own perceptions being projected back on myself, or if it is truly a premonition that I need to prepare myself for. In any event, does it matter? The feelings are real and whether or not they are some kind of masochistic dilemma or cosmic warning is completely irrelevant. But it got me to thinking after I read a Grrl Genius blog today and took an iVilliage test to determine my “perfect match” personality… am I expiration dating?

Grrl Genius explored the concept that certain men have expiration dates. Women in their thirties seeking relationships have a lot of baggage and we are looking for the “Unicorn Man,” which she defines as the older guy, with little baggage who is still emotionally available and willing to commit. Mostly, she wondered if men reached an age that they were single, never married, not kids, etc, etc… have they reached their expiration date already and would never last in a relationship.

It has been my experience of late, that some men expire in their 30s, or even younger. Grrl Genius is being rather kind in setting the age at around 45. Because much like the cottage cheese I bought a week ago, the date said October 19, but the taste said 3 days ago. And that is how life goes sometimes. If that wasn’t enough, I did partake of the little personality test that after a mere 25-30 questions about your past and present relationship with your parents and your past relationships, it can tell you a wealth of information about who may match you best mate-wise. It seems, perhaps appropriately so, that I am an ambivalent. What this means, apparently, is that I am somewhere between a loner and a clinger. Now, loner and clinger are my own interpretations of their words, mainly because I can’t recall off hand their special words. Whatever.

So, given these little gems of wisdom and thought for the day, I wonder, somewhat aloud, can an ambivalent in her 30s can stop looking in the expired dating pool?

And that creeping, sinking feeling I mentioned earlier… can an ambivalent in her 30s refrain from greeting her ghosts of expired men?

As I was waking up this morning, a line from a recent Sex and the City that I watched kept coming back to me… “what are we doing?” Carrie asked Big (who is married at this point) as she sat on the edge of a hotel room bed in the crux of her affair with him. It isn’t the first time Carrie looked at Big and asked that question—it was a theme of their relationship. But this morning, and much of the afternoon, I kept hearing it again and again—What are we doing?

All I can say is… I wish I knew.