More on Weight Loss Surgery...

To a certain extent, I think obesity is like a cancer; and once you have overcome it, you live your life in fear that it will return one day despite all your best efforts. Once you overcome it; are in “remission” the emotional side effects are very difficult to process and quite unexpected. At least, that is my perception; my experience.

There is a mentality that exists in that because you are obese, you believe you don’t deserve certain things. When the weight goes away, those feelings of insecurity and self-loathing aren’t also lost. Nothing upset me more than people who assumed because I “looked good” that I was now happy. And part of that was my own foolish thinking. I had been happy, but once the weight started coming off, I became very unhappy. Didn’t think that I deserved things in life because I had surgery to help me lose weight; somehow convinced myself I wasn’t strong enough to do it on my own.

The common misperception driven in part by the media representation, and in part by the uneducated, is that those having bariatric surgery are “taking the easy way out.” At one point, I believed that for myself, too. I found myself believing that I had somehow failed. Depression after surgery is common and mine manifested itself in the way it always has—failure. Along the way, you question if you are losing enough weight; convince yourself that even though you have had this surgery and are losing weight that you are still failing, you aren’t doing as good as someone else—someone you may not even know. You are convinced that even with this surgery you will still fail.

As a failure, you are relying on your insecurities. It’s a dark place to exist within. Getting up everyday, forcing yourself to look in a mirror and see someone you like is a difficult thing to do. Being a size 8 now, it is still hard to look in the mirror and not see the size 28 I once was; that fat girl sometimes still appears. Sometimes, she manifests herself as hideous ugliness—you hate your hair, your nose, your eyes, your lips—even when you don’t see fat, the mirror distorts and you feel like you are looking in one of the funky mirrors in an amusement park; but it isn’t amusing and you are in your bathroom. These days make it easy to think you don’t deserve your life; you don’t deserve to be loved.

But the truth is that the surgery is not easy.

Pretend for a moment that there is not the emotional insecurity, the anger, the failure, the depression associated with the surgery; it should be easy to do, since it’s not headline gripping… the surgery itself is difficult, the recovery can be hard, clothing becomes difficult. In addition, the reality is that it is easy to fail with the surgery. Weight loss only happens for 12-18 months following the surgery as a result of the surgery itself. Without changes eating habits, regular exercise and commitment to a new lifestyle, weight will be regained. Research shows that a certain percentage of people will regain up to half the weight loss following surgery within a certain amount of time. Those who had highest weights before surgery are those most likely to regain following surgery.

For me, I have made a lot of very conscious choices about how I eat, what I eat, when and exercise. I did not experience weight gain as many others I’ve met had before they started making changes. I was able to easily maintain my weight with just watching what I ate and making decent choices. But I realized it wasn’t enough. I wanted to lose more weight, and I wanted to know that my choices were healthier.

It is very easy, I’ve learned, to not know when to stop losing weight. To never think you are thin enough; because the mirror is deceptive. After surgery, you learn there are friends you cannot trust—jealousness and pettiness take over and their insecurities about their own weight gets reflected onto you. Of my friends before surgery, there are only a very few that I would say I have maintained friendship with. Some are still acquaintances, others simply had to go. It’s harsh, but when I finally started to feel good about where I was, finally started to lose some of the insecurity, started building some self-confidence, these were the people that started to step in and tell me that it was time to stop losing weight because I would be smaller than them, and they didn’t think that was right.

The people, who would never say anything to me when I was obese, had no problem commenting when I was just overweight. Unfortunately, these are the people you believed you could rely on for support; friends and family who probably think they are being helpful, but the reality is, they are more hurtful than they realize.

Several friends have expressed their surprise that I was struggling with some of the issues as a result of having surgery. The comments that I was so private about the decision, wouldn’t talk about it, have a tendency to be aloof, not let people in… they are right. And, in my challenge to actually talk about the process, deal with the residual anger and struggles associated with self-image, I’ve challenged them to ask their questions. To learn about it and recognize that these issues can happen to anyone who struggles with weight-related issues. I’ve said I will take any questions, though some I may not answer right away, or may decline to answer at all (with a reason).

I maybe have learned that I should have allowed those closest to me in more while I lived it, but the reality is, I still live it everyday. A wise sage once said, “Maybe we need to let go of who we were to become who we will be” (Sex and the City). But part of that is recognizing who we were because it is part of who we become.