Wisdom of the Ages

The following topic has come up several times over the summer, and rather than informing those of my wisdom in a single file fashion, I decided that it should be communicated via a larger forum... if only because now I'm bored with the conversation, and perhaps this will spice it up a bit.

TOPIC: MEN, THE VEHICLES THEY DRIVE AND WHAT SAID VEHICLE SAYS ABOUT SAID MAN.

So, everyone knows when you see the 45+ guy cruising with the top down in his red convertible, he's best avoided both on the road and when in other habitats. His car says he will take you to an expensive restaurant, but he's going to expect something more if you order the lobster.

But... what about the other cars on the road (and in the local tavern parking lot)? Well, I'm here to give you a semi reasonable breakdown on how to stereotype men in just a few seconds.

SUVs: They want you to know they are trendy and hip, but they are way too insecure.

Large trucks (think F150 or equivalent and larger): Their truck is compensating for other areas of their physical appearance.

Jeeps: NSA (no strings attached) Fun.

Hybrids: Politics will take the place of sex.

Station wagon: Look for the tan lines from the ring and/or the car seat.

Sporty looking cars (think Cougar, Eclipse, etc): In training for the convertible.

PT Cruiser, Cooper, etc: Look for the boyfriend or the ring tan line.

Now, you may be wondering... do I need to find a guy on a bike with a backpack? The answer is quite simply, no... but guys on motorcycles are a 50/50 gamble (just in case you were wondering). You want to find the winner?

Here's the key: Look for the guy whose vehicle is simply some wheels. If he is jamming out in a four-door 1999 Hyundai like no one is looking... he's probably a keeper.