The Blame Game

So, with over 20 boxes of Cadbury eggs in my freezer, I find myself compelled in the stores to buy more… a weird and sick obsession for which I take no responsibility. Others are obviously to blame… after all; I live in the United States and therefore am free of all accountability generally prescribed such a matter. First, these things are only sold at Easter time… so, clearly we have to place blame with the Christians/Catholics for their insidious coup not only on me for renouncing their faith, but the evident disregard for all their followers giving up sweets for Lent. Secondly, Cadbury is a UK export… so the Brits need to take their hit… which given the number of hits the Brits take these days, doesn’t necessarily seem fair, but what’s one more at this point?

And speaking of blame… could the Ann Arbor Police watch a few episodes of Law and Order already? Geez… here I am sitting at my desk looking out the window when I see the police pull up to investigate a car that has been parked in the lot of the church that my window looks out on. (Yes, I face the church… the irony has not escaped me.) The police officer gets out, walks around the car, looks in a few times before getting back into her car, pulling forward a few feet, stopping, backing up, and reparking. She gets back out, talking on her little do-hickie as they do, and again walks around the driver side only looking inside at the truck. She attempts to open the driver side door; it is locked… she then gets back in her car and takes off… leaving me screaming in my office to check the other door!! Now the car sits out there taunting me all day long. I know there is something in that trunk, a body perhaps? Sadly, my co-worker in the finance area will not go out there and further investigate. I mean, we HAVE rubber gloves in the kitchen there, we are set up for forensic investigations on our lunch break!! There you have it, the rampant crime in Ann Arbor is all to blame on lack of Law and Order training videos… everyone knows that a bullet in the right spot would have revealed the dark secrets of that trunk… and provided me with endless entertainment… instead, they leave me to my imagination… which can be quite sensational.

The Evil Bunnies Approacheth

Here we are, on the edge of religious holidays galore... Passover, Easter... but what does it REALLY mean? Evil bunnies.

Yep, evil bunnies hopping all about, leaving random eggies, stealing chocolate. It is a little known fact that these evil bunnies appear once a year... mostly, to taunt cats. My one cat, Vinnie, is scared of his own shadow and he seemed frightened by an Easter Bunny that flashed on TV on night, and since he likes it when you talk to him, I made up a story about Evil Bunnies... which causes his ears to lay back flat to his head and his eyes to bug out. I have no idea what he's thinking... but I think it is the premise for a children's book. Some might argue that it is blasphemous... they'd probably be right. I'm no Shel Silverstein, but it isn't as whacked out as some of his works, which can be downright scary and are considered children's poetry... well, except for his work in Playboy. It's all in the illustrations... I just need someone for a knack for illustrating... and since I doubt Ralph Steadman is willing and available, I know some guys.

Inspired

Just when I thought, "heh, I have nothing to write about here these days," does the universe slap me in the head with such utter stupidity that I am once again inspired. It seems that a big headline for about 15 minutes today is that a judge who played a minor role in the Anna Nicole drama was cited for smoking pot in a park. The only reason this made AP news, of course, was so Anna Nicole's name could appear in another headline, and as the media likes to do, put her name in a headline referencing illegal drug use. But, my favorite part of the story was the following line:

"...Korda was smoking marijuana while sitting under a tree..."

Clearly, not trying to hide as he was in a public park. And in Florida, as nice as it has been there (so many are telling me from the sunny warmth of their Miami-area homes), why not sit under a tree on a Monday and spark a bud?

That's right, folks, I am advocating a pot-fueled lunchtime extravaganza... especially on a Monday. Imagine, we pick a Monday about noon, and everyone heads out of the office, finds a nice sunny park with lots of trees and tokes a few to get them through the rest of the afternoon... and if you are like me, and don't like the Mary Jane so much, there is always the contact buzz in the air. Of course, being from the Ann Arbor area, we just call that Hash Bash - only difference is it doesn't happen on Monday... but visit us Easter Weekend this year and colored eggs are not the only thing you will be looking for!