I'm not old, just "retro"

Because I have some sense of social decency, I did not proclaim the following things out loud today while out shopping, but MUST get them out before they implode my head.

1. A tunic is not a dress. Nylons are not pants. Please go home and put pants on.

2. OMIGOD I just stepped back to 1980.

Phew! That's better... now I just have to figure out how to stop the scortching of my retinas and life should be good.

Number one, I think, goes without saying... and frankly, I don't feel like reliving it if you can't put it together.

Number two: I went shopping for spring and summer wear today. I walked into H&M, and amazingly it was once I PASSED the Madonna line that things got shady... and frighteningly very "retro." But it was when I stepped into Forever 21 (because they don't make a Forever 29, okay!?) that I was completely horrified. My mother warned me that someday, retro would be what I used to wear... and there it was, the fabulously plastic jewelry, the unflattering shoulder pads, and equally unflattering ribbed waisted shirts with poufy tops and off the shoulder necks. There was a time when oh, I wished I could buy all that wonderful fashion and wear it how it was MEANT to be worn, sadly that was 20 years ago and today, I can afford it, but I simply cannot. The sadness of the moment was not lost on me as I dragged myself into Sears to buy some "classic" summer shirts... my god, am I really this old?

And with the shopping expenditure, I've found that no matter how much I try, I just can't hack going into Ambercrombie and Fitch. I know their pants might have a chance of actually fitting me well... NOONE shopping in there has hips either... okay baby got back and that might pose a problem in A&F but I can't even begin to try. The store reeks of cologne that makes me sneeze and I stepped in, saw the Daisy Duke shirts and turned and walked right back out again. And at least Jessica Simpson made that last reference relevant again, cause I'm guessing Catherine Bach is a reference enjoyed by those who wore one big loopy earring and some leg warmers way back before it was retro. And apparently, leg warmers are now called footless thigh highs... or so said the package in Hot Topic today... Yes, Hot Topic is one more place I'm slowly being edged out of... I mean MY GOD, when did Blondie make a come back? Oh, right, they didn't--they are just fashion fodder. They did make music, do the under 20-somethings know this? Do they learn these things in school?